25 Days To Annoy The XMen
by 0HeartShapedBox0
Summary: What happens when the adult X-Men try to educate the New Recruits? Insanity, Craziness, Mental Torture, Basketball Babies and so much more! On hold :
1. Introduction

DISCLAIMER: I do not own X-Men Evolution. Please don't sue me!

"I can't believe it!" Ray shouted, slamming a pile containing several text books and a few loose paper sheets on the kitchen table.

"What's wrong, Ray?" Amara asked, chewing on biscuit.

"Look at all the homework I've got to do! And this isn't even half of it; this is only the crap I got at school today!" Ray complained.

"You think that's bad, wait until you hear the news." Jubilee said, smirking as she entered the kitchen.

"What news?" Sam asked, raising his head from his Mathematics textbook to look at Jubilee.

"It seems that Jean and Scott are bringing school home. On the weekends, holidays and any other day that we're not at school, the two almighty X-Men leaders are going to be teaching us."

"WHAT?" Ray screeched. "You mean we don't get holidays or weekends anymore? It's Friday night, I have plans, and I want to sleep in until lunch tomorrow!"

"Apparently we don't even get days off if we're sick." Rahne groaned as she walked in to join the New Mutants.

"That's totally beyond unfair!" Roberto commented, dumping his own humongous pile of homework next to Ray's pile. "We're never going to keep on top of normal school if we have no time to do our homework or have fun. Think of all the awesome parties we'll be missing out on!"

"Yeah, whatever happened to 'Work, Rest, Play'?" Amara agreed.

"Well then it's pretty obvious what we need to do here." Bobby said as he walked into a room with an evil grin on his face.

"What do you mean, Bobby?" Jubilee asked with curiosity.

"It's all quite simple, dear Jubilee. First, we must ask ourselves a question: What do we like in Scott and Jean? Nothing, of course, except for one little thing. We like annoying them, right?"

"I suppose so." Rahne replied.

"Did he just call me 'Dear'?" Jubilee inquired.

"I have come to the conclusion that-" Bobby continued, only to be interrupted by Roberto.

"Bobby, can you please stop talking like that?" Roberto requested.

"...Fine. Okay, anyway, my genius mind came up with a plan! We can't have classes if we don't have any teachers, right?"

"...Right." The rest of the New Mutants said in unison.

"So we just annoy them until they give up on teaching us, then we'll be free to enjoy weekends!" Bobby said proudly. "I have a contract here," he pulled out a sheet of white paper with his messy handwriting on it and passed it around. "Sign it and you're agreeing to give the X-Men who volunteer to teach us 25 days of torture, starting tomorrow."

The New Mutants looked happy as they wrote their names on the sheet of paper.

Bobby took the paper back. "The games are about to begin." 


	2. Jean, Basketballs and a Mermaid Tatto

It was 6:59 on a Saturday morning, and Jean Grey honestly couldn't be happier. It was forecasted to be bright and sunny that day, so even though the sun had not risen yet, Jean made sure that the plain yellow curtains covering the four windows overlooking the swimming pool were tied up out of the way from the window's glass. She also opened the windows too to let some fresh air in, the room had only just been renovated to create a classroom-like atmosphere, so the room still smelt slightly like a building site. There was now a huge Interactive Whiteboard at the front of the room, 16 tables and chairs set in a 4x4 square for the students and a brown wooden desk for the teacher standing in-between the student's desks and the Interactive Whiteboard. On the desk was a sleek, shiny, black laptop, a gift from the Professor to Jean for graduating from Bayville High a floral patterned pencil case, a couple of books and a pile of paper. Jean stood behind the desk and looked at the classroom. The floor had been swept, the shelves had been dusted and there was not a thing out of place. Absolutely everything was there, except for the most important thing in a class. The students.

Jean checked her watch. 7:02. _No big deal. _She thought to herself. _They're only two minutes late, they'll probably be here any second now. _She waited and looked at the door. 7:03. She rocked back and forth on her heels. 7:04. She started to hum a song. 7:07. She began to sing a song quietly under her breath. 7:09. She neatened the papers on her desk. 7:09 and 15 seconds. Jean was starting to get angry, she was sure that she had made herself very loud and clear when she told the New Recruits that not to be late for the first day of their new classes. But what surprised her even more was that Scott hadn't appeared yet when he had promised her that he would help her teach the New Recruits.

"Men these days are so unreliable!" Jean grumbled, opening the door, exiting and slamming the door with her telekinesis. She made her way down the corridor and stormed into Scott's room. She used her mind to spill the glass of water on his bedside table onto Scott's head.

"I'M UP!" Scott screamed, sitting upright as the cold water trickled down his body.

"It's about time!" Jean yelled back at him.

"I'm sorry, Jean! I... forgot?"

"Typical! Honestly, why do I even try?" Jean screeched, walking out of Scott's room and into the Living Room, where she found the seven rascals she was looking for.

"Bobby, Roberto, Amara, Sam, Rahne, Jubilee and Ray! I believe you should be somewhere important right- WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT?" Jean cried out in disbelief.

"What is God's name is what? The drawing on Roberto's tummy, the show on TV, the collage of Ray's underwear on the wall or what Jubes is doing to that ball?" Bobby asked innocently.

"Ball goes into my shirt, OH I'M PREGNANT! Ball goes out of my shirt, I GAVE BIRTH TO A BASKETBALL! Ball goes in, TEENAGE PREGNANCY! Ball goes out, BASKETBALL BABY!" Jubilee chanted loudly as she sat on top of a yoga mat, pulling a marron basketball in and out of her pyjama shirt.

"Please explain everything while I still have an ounce of sanity left in me!" Jean requested, slapping her palm on her forehead.

"Well, I thought my gorgeous abs looked a little bit plain, so I forced Sam to draw a picture on it! Look, it's Bobby as a mermaid! You see, he's got a tail, hair extensions, a tiara and a bra made out of two huge shells! Or are they coconuts... anyway, isn't Sam a great artist?" Roberto said, flaunting his newly-tattooed belly.

"How did... actually, I'm not going to ask." Jean murmured.

"And look at this!" Amara presented the wall covered in two dozen pairs of brightly coloured undies.

"It's a work of art!" Rahne smiled, admiring it.

"Did Ray give you his permission to super-glue his unmentionables onto the wall?" Jean asked, trying to be calm.

"Actually, no..." Sam admitted. "Bobby hit him over the head with a candlestick. You know the way his eyes appear to be 'open'? I painted eyes onto his eyelids. Ray's unconscious at the moment."

"Sam really is a great artist!" Amara complemented.

"Okay, but why aren't you in class?" Jean asked, her cheeks turning pink from the frustration she was holding inside of her.

"Class?" Bobby asked in a cute, childlike voice. "What class?"

"Yeah, it's the weekend." Rahne said, equally sweet. "We don't have classes on weekends."

"Yes you do! Every Saturday and Sunday you nitwits have classes with Scott and me." Jean said, rubbing her temples. "You need all the education you can get!"

"But-" Roberto started.

"EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET INTO THE CLASSROOM NOW!" Jean screamed, her temper taking over her.

"What classroom?" Amara inquired.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jean shrieked as objects around the room started flying and Ray's underwear began ripping off the wall. "It's okay, Jean, you can do this... the classroom is three doors down to the left... please walk over there sensibly and take a seat at the desk of your choice." Jean said in between deep breaths.

"Can my baby come too?" Jubilee asked, pulling a permanent away from the basketball, revealing a wonky smiley face.

"Breathe in... breathe out... breathe in... breathe out..." Jean tried to calm herself as she turned around and left the Living Room in hopes of a place where she could be sane.

Bobby smiled once she was out of sight. "You think she's going to crack?"

"Hasn't she already cracked?" Sam pointed out.

"Are you kidding? We haven't even reached the classroom yet!" Jubilee said.

Rahne smiled. "I really did like your act, Jubilee. Have you given the basketball...I mean baby a name yet?"

"I'm thinking of calling it Evan the Second, I mean, after all, it is Evan's favourite basketball."

"Fair enough." Rahne shrugged, giving the basketball an affectionate pat.

"DON'T TOUCH MY BABY!" Jubilee screamed at an ear-splitting pitch.

"Hey, Guys? Do you think we should do something with Ray? He's been unconscious for quite a while." Amara said once her ears had recovered. The New Recruits looked over at Ray, who was lying on the chair with a pair of underpants on his head.

"He'll wake up when the time is right." Roberto said, smiling evilly. "But right now, we have a class that needs attending..."

***

Well, that was the first proper chapter! I assure you there is going to be a lot more insanity to come! I hoped you enjoyed it, and whether you did or didn't, please leave a review. Constructive criticism is always welcome; in fact it is appreciated a lot! Thank you for reading!


	3. Scott, Jean and a helluva lot of bodies!

"So, in conclusion, whenever you are given instructions from any of leaders, you must obey them without hesitation and without messing around. Now that I've finished, we can finally start the lesson. Does anyone have any questions?" Scott finished after lecturing the New Recruits for half an hour while Jean calmed down. Scott sighed when he saw Bobby raise his hand. "Yes Bobby?"

"You smell." Bobby announced. "I heard that your girlfriend wouldn't let you have a shower this morning."

"I recall specifically asking if anyone had any questions, not statements."

"Okay, are you aware that you smell?" Bobby rephrased his previous announcement.

"Does anyone with an IQ over 12 have any questions?" Scott asked hopefully.

"My toe's cramping." Sam admitted. Scott ignored that.

"Good morning, class." Jean said as she entered the classroom, gently closing the door behind her. "Are we ready to start yet?" Jean's voice was unusually quiet and wispy.

"We're ready when you are." Scott smiled.

"Okay then. Good morning, students. As you already know, I'm Jean and this is Scott, and we'll be your teachers for these new classes, which have been designed especially for you. We have experienced just about all the problems you will have to deal with, so even though we're your teachers, we can also be your friends, and we are always happy to help you." Jean addressed the New Recruits. Rahne, Jubilee and Roberto were passing notes, Amara was chewing bubblegum, Sam was constructing an origami duck, Bobby was knitting a sweater and Ray was sitting on his chair with his face slumped on his table, still unconscious. None of the New Recruits really seemed to care about what Jean was saying. "If I could have your attention, Scott is currently handing out three pieces of paper, two A4 sheets and a little slip with someone's name on it. The two sheets of paper contain the instructions for your upcoming project, and the little piece has your partner's name on it. Please do not misplace, trade or eat any of these sheets, as they are both needed to complete today's task."

"Ray? I can't be partnered up with Ray! He's unconscious for crying out loud! This is an outrage, I tell you! An absolute outrage! I demand a swap!" Jubilee screamed loudly and dramatically when Scott handed her the papers.

"All partnerships are final!" Scott said. "Jubilee, please sit down."

"An outrage." Jubilee huffed, sitting back down in her chair.

"You have been partnered up with people that we think you will be the most responsible and sensible with, because this project requires minimal immaturity." Jean added.

"Then why'd you pair me up with Rahne?" Roberto queried.

"Yeah, all they're going to do is flirt and draw love-hearts all over the place." Sam sniggered.

"Not true!" Rahne yelled.

"So true!" Bobby argued.

"Not true!"

"So true!"

"Not true!"

"So true!"

"Not true!"

"So true!"

"So true!"

"Shut up, Roberto! No one invited you into this conversation!"

"I'm paired up with Sam." Amara declared. She looked at Jubilee who was poking Ray with a pencil, attempting to wake him up. "I guess it could be worse!"

"Wait a minute, then who am I teamed up with?" Bobby asked himself, looking at his piece of paper. "Jamie! Jamie? What the Hell, Jamie isn't even in this class!"

"Yes he is, Bobby. Because he wasn't causing mayhem like you guys this morning, I allowed him to have breakfast and get ready at his own pace. Oh look, he's here now!"

"Hi, guys!" Jamie bopped in through the door.

"Hey, Jamie! Go sit next to Bobby, he's your partner." Scott replied.

"Bobby? Awesome!" Jamie squealed.

"Oh brother." Bobby groaned.

"Ok, now that I've gone through the instructions and requirements for the project, is anyone unsure of anything?" Jean asked. A large chorus of 'No' echoed throughout the class. "Okay then, you may go and brainstorm with your partner about how you're going to present your project." Jean walked around slowly the class, glancing at the students' brainstorming sheet of paper, which were of course blank.

"Jamie, are you managing okay?" Scott inquired. "Can you do this?"

Jamie nodded. "Yeah, I think I can do this! Bobby said he would deceive me if I didn't do all the work!" The young mutant reported brightly.

"Decapitate, you idiot!" Bobby corrected Jamie.

Scott had a disapproving look on his face. "Bobby, you know that thr-" Scott started.

"Have you ever burnt a hole through your foot with your heat vision?" Bobby interrupted.

Scott was stunned and slightly surprised at the randomness of Bobby's question"Actually, my body has a unique-"

"EWWWW! BODY!" Amara screamed from a few seats away.

"SCOTT HAS A BODY?" Roberto shrieked from a couple of rows behind Bobby.

"DOUBLE EWWWWW!" Jubilee cried in disgust.

"Everyone has a body!" Jean tried to reason with the class.

"Even Scott?" Jamie piped in. This was quickly turning into a class discussion.

"Yes, of course Scott has a body."

"EWWWWWWW!"

"Seriously, guys! This is a lesson about the psychological differences between mutants and humans, not a lesson about bodies! Grow up!" Jean lectured.

"Jean said 'bodies'!" Sam pointed out.

"OKAY, SO WHAT IF I SAID 'BODIES'? BODY, BODY, BODY, BODY! EVERYONE HAS A BODY! I HAVE A BODY, SCOTT HAS A BODY, WOLVERINE HAS A BODY, MAGNETO HAS A BODY, SENATOR KELLY HAS A BODY! EVERY SINGLE PERSON HAS A BODY!" Jean screamed. The New Mutants were rolling on the floor laughing.

"I don't get it." Jamie whined loudly.

"Body! Wanna feel my body! Body! Gonna thrill my body! Body! Don'tcha stop my body! Body! It's so hot my body!" Roberto sang loudly.

"As if you know the lyrics to Macho Man!" Jubilee said in awe. "You are such a dork!"

"It was on Ray's iPod!" Roberto pouted.

Jean used her powers to move the students back into their chairs. "Come on, it's not funny." Jean grumbled. "We're here to learn, not to muck around, so please sit down and work on your project in silence." Jean sat down at her desk and sipped from her coffee. _I can't believe I agreed to do this! _She thought. She calmed herself down, closed her eyes and emptied her mind, finally allowing relaxation and peace to sweep over her. She sat there for five whole relaxing minutes thinking about nothing except for Scott and baby ducks before she heard an annoying noise right next to her ear. _Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip._ Jean gasped as she felt the weight on her head lighten. Her hand reached up towards her head and felt around. Her eyes narrowed and rage took over.

"YOU IDIOTIC, STUPID, EVIL POPSTICLE!" Jean shrieked at such a deafening tone that the windows began shaking. Bobby was running away from Jean with a humongous clump of red hair in his hand.

"It's just my colour." Bobby posed with Jean's hair pressed against his head for a second before deciding to sprint away from a murderous Jean who was darting towards him.

"YOU JERK! IT TOOK 20 YEARS OF GROWING AND 6 GENERATIONS OF IMBREEDING TO ACHIEVE HAIR THAT PERFECT!"

"Now Jean, calm down..." Scott tried, before being interrupted by a fit of battle cries. He reached for his mobile phone. "Professor? Can you come over here? I'm scared!"

"YOU WILL DIE, BOBBY! DIE, DIE, DIE!" Jean shouted as Bobby jumped over tables and crawled in-between people's legs to try to get away from Jean.

"Woah, what happened? It feels like someone ran over my head, cut it up, sewed it back together, chopped it back up with a axe, sewed it back together again and then hit it with an fire extinguisher." Ray moaned in pain as his head throbbed with unbelievable agony.

"Ray's awake." Rahne pointed out.

"Roberto, help me! Sam, Amara, Jubilee! Do something!" Bobby yelled out as he narrowly avoided five dozen pencils which were chasing him around the room, thanks to Jean.

"I should really hang out with you guys more often." Jamie smiled.

***  
I apologize if this chapter took a while, damned homework, Facebook, school and Sims 2 were being very distracting! Anyway, thank you for reading and please review!


	4. Cracking the Wolverine

**Wow! 21 reviews so far! You guys really made my day! To RoseJustice: I'm not sure if I'd be able to put the Brotherhood in... at least not until later chapter or maybe the sequel. But Kurt? I just got a great idea... thanks for the review! Also thanks to daynaalove, SPRITEKIT, Sonar, MKM, shadowy Flip Flops of DOOM, midnight-lady123123 (It is a good thing that you don't mind public embarrassment), Rogueslove22, cloverhand, Raven34link, mew fong and anyone else I missed! I love you all and you all made me smile!  
**  
Roberto woke up and smiled. He stretched his arms and legs before he got out of bed, feeling content about the events that occurred yesterday. Of course, like all good things, there were a couple of consequences to the down-right hilariousness of irritating Scott and Jean, such as a few bruises on all the New Recruits, including Jamie, thanks to Jean's telekinesis. But no-one got it as bad as Bobby, who had spent the night with an ice-pack on his black eye and with bandages covering nearly every inch of skin on his body. Roberto strolled out of his room and into the bathroom, which was vacant. He got into the shower and turned the handle to make the water become as hot as possible. He knew that he used most of the hot water, and that that peeved off most of the X-Men, but there was no way that Roberto da Costa was going to have a cold shower.

Five minutes later, Roberto exited the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, a large batch of billowing stream flooding out from the door behind him. He had not walked for any more than five steps when he was lifted from the ground.

"Where'd you think you're going, bub?" A gruff voice growled. Roberto secured his towel with one hand quickly before it fell off. He turned around to see the other New Recruits lined up still in their pyjamas, rubbing their eyes and yawning.

"Please let me down!" Roberto begged, his feet still dangling 5 inches off the ground. Logan let him fall to the ground and then faced the other New Recruits.

"Get to the Danger Room, now! All of you!" Logan barked. The New Recruits and Roberto sleepily walked down the hallway, followed by an angry Logan.

"But-but-but!" Roberto started.

"Get some clothes on, _then_ get your scrawny little ass down to the Danger Room." Logan started to walk away. Roberto ran off towards his room to get some clothes before Logan decided to kill him.

"I cannot believe that you nitwits managed to annoy Jean that much on her first day of teaching you. On any other occasion, I would be proud of you. But I, as an X-Man, have to support Scott and Jean, so I have volunteered to teach you until Jean has emotionally recovered." Logan said, sending cold, hard stares at each and every New Recruit. The girls tried not to giggle and the boys high-fived each other when they remembered Jean's anger yesterday. Logan just growled.

"5 LAPS AROUND THE ROOM!" Logan snarled. "And no cheating this time, Country Boy. I don't want a repeat of last week." Logan added when Sam ran passed him. Sam's cheeks blushed a little shade of pink when he recalled the last time he tried to speed himself up when he was doing laps. Jubilee still had a huge bruise on her leg from the event.

Rahne finished first, followed closely by Roberto. The others came shortly after, except for Bobby who was limping from a twisted ankle.

"Be a man, Bobby!" Jubilee shouted from the finish line.

"Yeah, Bobby! Be a maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaann!" Amara giggled.

"I don't get it, Bobby is a man." Jamie commented innocently.

"You try running with a zillion injuries. It's not easy." Bobby panted.

"Now that we're warmed up, get yourselves to the classroom before I make a kabob out of your behinds." Logan ordered. The New Recruits shared a sneaky smile. They were going to crack the Wolverine.

"So sit down, shut up and finish that work before the clock strikes 9, got it?"

"Yes sir!" The New Recruits chorused army-style, before cracking up into a fit of laughter.

Logan briefly wondered why the Professor insisted that the X-Men taught the New Recruits when the New Recruits obviously had no brain to store the information.

Ray wolf-whistled loudly to get Logan's attention. Logan's head began to throb. Sometimes having enhanced hearing skills was a lot of hard work.

"Yes, Sparky?" Logan sighed, rubbing his head. "Does your non-existent brain need help functioning?"

"No, I have a question." Ray replied. There was a long silence.

"Are you going to ask me or not, bub?"

"You know the way that the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound?" Ray asked.

"I'm surprised you know anything about light, you're the defiantly not the brightest person I've ever met in my life." Logan murmured. "Besides Bobby." He corrected himself.

"Well, what's the speed of smell?" Ray questioned.

"What?"

"Okay, pretend Scott started up his laser eye thingos, shouted 'I'M AN IDIOT' and passed gas at the same time. Which would reach you first?"

"Does it really matter, Sparky?"

"Yes."

Logan didn't talk. He started to pick his teeth with his claws.

"This won't do." Jubilee whispered to Amara. "This won't do at all!"

"He's ignoring us!" Rahne gasped.

"Just shut your gobs and do your work before I decide to sharpen my claws on your backbones." Logan grumbled.

"This is a disgrace! A disgrace to all of mankind!" Roberto slammed his fist on his table. The New Recruits shared a mischievous look. Bobby stood up and walked towards Logan.

"We admit that in the past we've been frustrating," Bobby started to sing "Jean wasn't kidding when she call me an annoying snitch."

"But you'll find that yesterday, was just a differ to our ways, and since then our personalities have switched." Sam joined in.

"And we know how to be good students, to all bad behaviour we will resent, dear Logan please don't go, we have a song to show, because we are so awesome and talented!" Jubilee sang.

"POOR UNFORTUNATE LOGAN! SO GRUMPY, SO MAD! WE ALL AGREE HE'S SPASTIC AND HE'S CRAZY AS WELL. IT'S FUNNY CAUSE HE THINKS HE'S JUST BAD-ASS." The New Recruits linked arms and sang at the top of their lungs while Logan stared at them, shocked and confused. "OH, POOR UNFORTUNATE LOGAN! HAS TO DEAL WITH JEAN AND SCOTT! HE DRINKS AND SMOKES AT EVERY CHANCE, HE'S SECRETLY MORE DESPERATE THEN LANCE, THOUGH WE MUST ADMIT HE'S STILL PRETTY HOT!" The last part was only sung by the girls. Bobby, Sam, Roberto and Ray looked at the girls with disgusted looks on their faces. Jamie sat on the floor close to Logan with his cheap video camera from the 2-dollar shop, videoing the performance and planning to post it on Youtube later.

"That was so disturbing!" Ray exclaimed.

"Yeah, the lyrics were 'He acts like a self-absorbed snot', not 'though we must admit he's pretty hot'!" Bobby declared.

"I AM MENTALLY SCARRED!" Sam screamed, holding his hands to his ears and rolling around on the floor.

"But he is!" Amara protested. Logan gave her a strange, confused look. "Kidding!" She said, blushing.

"STILL SCARRED!" Sam shouted from the floor.

"It's happened once or twice, we didn't really want to be nice, so we had to amuse our self by torture." Jubilee continued on in a sorrowful voice, her hands clasped on her heart. The boys shrugged and decided to keep on singing.

"So we can make the X-Men complain, but without us it would be so plain!" Ray crooned. "For your POOR UNFORTUNATE SOUL!" Ray ended with a note so loud that it made the room vibrate.

Logan started screaming in fear when the New Recruits began to repeat the chorus over and over again.

"Why, Logan. Is there anything wrong?" Professor asked as he wheeled towards Logan.

"The noise... the noise... THE NOISE!" Logan screamed. He was now on his knees, trembling. "Stop the singing, STOP THE GOD DAMNED SINGING!"

"Oh dear." The Professor scanned Logan's mind and sighed. "I knew there was a reason why Bobby wanted to watch Disney instead of Terminator." The Professor rolled off and left Logan screaming like a madman on the floor.

*****  
I don't know if this one was funny, but whether it was or not, please review! If you didn't know, the New Recruits were singing their own little version to Poor Unfortunate Souls from Disney's The Little Mermaid. Anyway, have a great day/night and leave a review. I love you all!**


	5. Yet Another Stormy Class

**This is for CloudyNK, who asked for Storm. I must admit, I was going to do Kurt, but Storm was screaming out for me to type up her chapter. Anyway, thanks to all that reviewed, you guys make me feel so incredibly happy and awesome. You guys really make my day! Without any further ado, I present to you chapter 4! Well, technically it's chapter 5, but I guess you could call it chapter 4 because the intro doesn't really count... does it? Ugh, I'm making myself confused. I'll call it chapter 4.5 and just let you guys read.**"Who do you think we'll have today?" Amara asked Jubilee casually as they brushed their teeth over the sink in the female's bathroom.

"Well, I'm pretty sure we can cross Logan and Jean off the list." Jubilee applied more mint toothpaste on to her yellow toothbrush and continued scrubbing.

"I can't believe we managed to scare them off so quickly! Today's only the third day of the program." Amara said, spitting out the leftover toothpaste out of her mouth and into the sink. She started brushing her hair.

"I know, right? I kind of feel sorry for them, though." Jubilee sighed, reaching for the hair-straightener.

"Are you kidding? Today's a public holiday, and normally I'd be sleeping in until 12 and having fun! But no, instead of chilling out, I have to wake up at 7 and get ready for class!" Amara grumbled.

"I suppose you're right." Jubilee shrugged, putting some clear lip gloss on.

Amara checked her watch. "I'm going to try and find out who's teaching us today. Did you know that Bobby's prepared himself for every single X-Man?"

"It amazes me that he really has that much time on his hands." Jubilee giggled and followed Amara out the door.

"Good morning, New Recruits." Storm said brightly as she strolled into her greenhouse. The New Recruits were already there, sitting on the floor talking to each other. Storm cleared her throat. The younger students looked up at her. "If your attention could be diverted to me, we can begin this lesson." She waited a couple of seconds. "So, as you can see, we are in my greenhouse instead of the classroom today. I thought it would be a pleasant change, and you guys could use some time embracing your inside gardener." The New Recruits started sniggering. Storm raised one of her eyebrows. "However, I must warn you that there are some plants in here that can be dangerous if you treat them the wrong way. But if you follow all instructions, be careful and do NOT misbehave, I'm certain that your time spent in here will be pleasant."

"Why would we ever misbehave?" Bobby put on his little-kid cute voice and stared at Storm with wide puppy-dog eyes.

"I have heard that your behaviour was atrocious during the past couple of days, and I am very disappointed in you." Storm said coolly. "And I am hoping that your attitude towards these fantastic classes will improve." Storm clapped her hands together. "So, shall we start?"

"No." Roberto replied loudly. The New Recruits giggled slightly.

"Jamie, you can water the plants. Be careful not to give them too much water. Jubilee and Rahne, you are going to find seeds, nuts and fruit on the plants. You can take a couple, but be sure to plant a few as well to help the plants reproduce." The New Recruits burst into laughter when they heard the word 'reproduce'. Storm looked at them sternly for two minutes until they settled down. "Amara, Ray and Sam, you will make sure all the plants look healthy and happy. You may also move the adolescent plants into bigger pots if needed. Bobby and Roberto, seeing as you guys think that you're too good for these classes, and the worst behaved students according to Jean, Scott and Wolverine, you may deal with the manure and the worm-farms."

"But-but-but that's so not true!" Bobby frowned.

"Yeah, have you seen Jubilee? Look at her; she's been carrying that stupid basketball around since Saturday! Just because she hasn't been mucking about with it recently, doesn't mean she hasn't been using it to distract us from being good students!" Roberto argued.

"Hey! It's not my fault if Tubby need's attention!" Jubilee crossed her arms.

"I thought it's name was Evan." Rahne pointed out.

"Yeah, well, everyone kept on asking if it was Evan's basketball baby, and that was awkward." Jubilee said.

"Because we all know you like Bobby." Sam teased.

"I do NOT!" Jubilee shouted.

"Jubilee was showing a lot more respect for this class than you and Bobby." Storm explained to Roberto.

"But it's not my fault!" Roberto whined. "Bobby's a bad influence and he's dragging me down with him!"

"I'm a bad influence? I do more work than you do! All you ever do is talk and distract me! Rahne said this, Rahne did that, doesn't Rahne look great in that shirt? Let's go talk to Rahne, let's go spy on Rahne, let's go read Amara's diary to try to find out information on Rahne. Roberto, I DON'T CARE!" Bobby burst into a fit of fake tears. "I try so hard to do my best in school! And I want to be an X-Man and I want to be a good boy, but Roberto won't let me!" Bobby probably would've gotten some attention if there wasn't a more interesting event happening.

"You... read my diary?" Amara whispered. "YOU READ MY DIARY? YOU LITTLE WORM! YOU WILL DIE SUNNY-SIDE UP, PRETTY BOY!" Amara started to scream, her hands flaming up. "COME BACK HERE AND DIE LIKE A MAN!" Amara yelled loudly, shooting balls of fire.

"Amara, please calm down!" Storm tried, but was ignored by the young angry girl.

"Listen to her, Amara! She's got a point!" Roberto squeaked, trying to avoid getting hit by the balls of flame.

"He spied on me?" Rahne said slowly. Bobby nodded enthusiastically, hoping to get Roberto into even more trouble. "That's... that's... oh, that's so adorable!" Rahne squealed.

"Wait a second, aren't you mad?" Ray asked Rahne.

"Of course not, silly! Isn't it so cute that he spends his time talking about me?" Rahne sighed.

"Girls." Ray, Sam and Bobby said at the same time.

"C'MON, IT WON'T HURT, I SWEAR!" Amara said, still chasing Roberto around like a lunatic. "WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE. OKAY, A LOT. COME HERE AND I WON'T DANCE ON YOUR GRAVE!" Once again, Jamie was filming this fight and had plans to sell the tape to the older X-Men for great prices.

"CHILDREN!" Storm yelled, cracking thunder throughout the greenhouse. The New Recruits stopped what they were doing and silenced themselves. "Go do your jobs, like instructed, before I have a mental breakdown." Storm said.

"But Jamie gets to water the plants and I have to go looking at plants and moving them into freaking new pots!" Ray moaned. "It's not fair!"

"Ray, we all know it's not a good idea for you to go anywhere near water." Sam said. "Remember last time? I'm never going to forget the blue things coming out of your fingers when you got electrocuted."

"Come on, let him do the watering!" Bobby said. "It'll be funny!"

"No! No exceptions!" Storm sighed, her hand on her head. Ray frowned, but went with Sam and Amara to look at plants anyway.

"Come on, let's go pick that fruit!" Jubilee said excitedly, motioning for Rahne to follow her to the other side of the room.

"... I'm not touching that manure." Roberto said after a while, his feet planted firmly on floor.

"I heard that you're not a big fan of rain." Storm smiled slightly, a small raincloud forming from her hand. Roberto's eyes widened in horror.

"It's okay, I'm going now." Roberto turned around and walked towards the pile of bagged manure waiting for him.

"Go, Bobby." Storm's eyes held an evil glint, letting Bobby know that she was planning something.

"Yes, ma'am!" Bobby said quickly, scurrying off.

"This isn't so bad." Storm whispered to herself when she saw all the New Recruits working together in harmony. "Even Roberto and Bobby are behaving. Wolverine and Jean are such drama queens."

"CRAP!" Amara's voice shouted from the corner of the room.

"Amara?" Storm turned to look at Amara's direction. Her face fell in terror. "My... my babies!" She whimpered when she saw a fire expanding from Amara's spot to all around the room, catching on all the plants and burning them to ashes.

"JAMIE! THE WATERING CAN!" Sam screamed.

"THERE'S NOT ENOUGH WATER IN IT!" Jamie screamed back.

"My babies!"

"AMARA! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" Ray screeched in Amara's ear.

"I was aiming for Roberto and Sam knocked my elbow! I swear, pinky promise!" Amara whimpered.

"My babies... YOU KILLED MY BABIES!" Storm ran towards Amara with her hands in a strangling position.

"Now, Storm, I said I'm sorry... SAM, SAVE ME!" Amara pleaded.

"Not today, sister!" Storm pounced towards Amara. "You will die!"

"SAM! PROFESSOR! WOLVERINE! SCOTT! ROGUE! JAMIE! ANYONE?" Amara yelled at the top of her voice. "HELP ME!"

*****  
Well, that's another chapter up and done. I hope you enjoyed reading it! Please leave feedback/constructive criticism/ praise/ whatever you feel is appropriate. Thank you!**


	6. Cinderella, a Blue Elf and Mr Nibbles

**AN: Hello fellow Earthlings! Yes I am aware that I have not updated this for like, 17 days or something, which I know is atrocious. But, I was banned from the computer for an absolutely inconceivable time, so I have been scribbling in a notebook for what feels like forever, just trying to write down chapters for this. Typing is sooooo much easier, quicker and it definitely gives your hands less cramps. But, nevertheless, I managed to write this chapter and most of the next chapter up, as well as some random haikus about Bobby and Jubilee (Jubby all the way) that will be published shortly. Anyway, this is chapter something. 4? 5? 6? I don't know. Its 10:30 at night and my brain has decided to start malfunctioning. I really should get some sleep soon. I hope you enjoy this chapter and have a great day or night (Depending on which timezone you're in). Goodbye, my fellow Oompa Loompas.**

"Do you think I'd still be here if the Professor hadn't come in time?" Amara asked Jubilee.

"I dunno, chicka. You were pretty lucky though, I suppose." Jubilee yawned, still half asleep. It was Saturday once more, and everyone was still exhausted from last weekend's lessons.

"Ugh, we've been here for ages!" Roberto complained, etching drawings of missiles and ducks into his desk with the edge of a paperclip. "When is this stupid class going to start?"

"I never thought I'd here you say that." Rahne giggled, admiring Roberto's aimless scribbling. They'd been pretty close since she found out he liked her, and that seemed to annoy some New Recruits.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Ray commented rudely at Rahne and Roberto.

"Just because you can't get a girlfriend." Amara smirked.

"Not true." Ray replied.

"So true!" Amara argued.

"Not true!"

"So true!"

"Not true!"

"So true!"

"Not true!"

"SO TRUE!"

"NOT TRUE!"

"SO TRUE!"

"So true."

"So true."

"So true."

"So true."

"So true, I think..."

"See? I've got everyone on my side! Even Jamie!" Amara smiled.

"Whatever." Ray muttered quietly, moving to the front row while the other New Recruits stayed in the back row.

"Loner." Bobby commented.

"Loser." Ray answered back.

"Hey, kids! Vhat's up!" The cheerful, fuzzy, blue X-Man said enthusiastically, entering the room with nothing except a large, overstuffed, neon green CD case held in his furry right hand and a blue, very cheap pen tucked behind his ear.

The New Recruits didn't say a word. Nightcrawler? As their teacher? Seriously?

"How are my favourite chums feeling today?" Nightcrawler asked the class.

"Great until you walked in." Roberto replied casually.

"Very funny, Roberto! Anyway, kids! Who wants to watch a DVD?" Kurt cheered and clapped his hands together. None of his unnaturally happy cheerfulness was rubbing off on the younger mutants. The New Recruits all stared at Kurt with bored expressions on their faces Jubilee yawned from her place in the back row. However, their apathetic attitudes did not affect Kurt's spirit. Kurt smiled and flicked through his DVD collection in his neon green CD case.

"Prepare for the worst, people." Ray said from the front row.

"Shut up, hermit!" Bobby shouted back, throwing a scrunched-up paper ball at Ray's head.

"Okay, kiddies! How about we watch... Gone With The Wind?" Kurt suggested.

"Nooooo way!" Amara said, making gagging noises like she was going to vomit.

"Being Ian season 1 disk 1?"

"Not likely." Sam rolled his eyes.

"Octopussy?"

"No! Mr. Nibbles will have nightmares!" Jubilee squealed, hugging the infamous basketball baby to her chest protectively.

"Wasn't it called 'Tubby' last weekend?" Sam asked.

"Shut up, Sam! It's what on the inside that counts!" Jubilee snapped.

Kurt looked at Jubilee with a very confused expression on his face.

"Mr. Nibbles would like watch Cinderella." Jubilee informed Kurt.

"Okay..." Kurt flipped through the neon case until he found the right DVD.

"Wait a minute!" Rahne screamed suddenly. "I have a question."

Kurt stopped trying to put the DVD in to the projector screen. "What is it, Rahne?"

"Do you know anything about God?" Rahne asked quietly, as if it was top secret.

"Yes... no... I guess so... Why?" Kurt said after a while.

"Why did God make us humans and not turtles?" Rahne asked curiously.

"Well, uh, I don't know..." Kurt replied unsteadily.

"Why do we sit on chairs?" Amara questioned.

"Why did God give me dandruff?" Ray queried.

"Why does Ray have a face like a butt?" Bobby asked in a serious voice.

"I do NOT have a face like a butt!" Ray groaned, his hands sparking up and sending little electric shocks up Bobby's desk and into Bobby's skin.

"HEY!" Bobby yelled in surprise from the electric shock. Ray made an 'L' with his thumb and index finger and stuck his tongue out at Bobby.

"Butt-face." Bobby grumbled.

"Hey, if we shave you, will you be blue or pink like a naked chicken?" Jubilees inquired.

"Do you have lice?"

"If you do have lice, will you ever get rid of it? Wouldn't that be hand if you had to comb every inch of your body?"

"If I was blue, would we be in a relationship?"

"Why is Mystique you're mother if she's more of a turquoise colour?

Kurt chose to ignore all the questions, deciding to instead fiddle with the DVD until it finally started to work. Kurt's smile lit up even more when he saw the sparkly pink start menu on the screen. He pressed the 'play' button and was instantly enchanted by the magic of a classic non-Hannah Montana Disney film.

"Dude, mice can't talk, let alone sing." Roberto pointed out five minutes later, his head tilting as he tried to think of a reasonable explanation for the happenings in Cinderella.

"Duh! The girl's mad, no wonder she hears animals speaking." Sam said as if it was the most obvious thing on the planet.

"Quiet, Meatsacks! Mr. Nibbles is enjoying himself." Jubilee hushed the boys.

"Jeez, don't get your panties in a knot!" Roberto replied.

"Haha, you're so funny..." Rahne said quietly as she rested her head on Roberto's arm.

"No, you're so funny." Roberto lightly hugged Rahne.

"No, YOU'RE so funny!" Rahne giggled.

"Yeah, you're right. I am pretty funny." Roberto shrugged.

"Get a room." Ray groaned.

"Get a life!" Rahne and Roberto shouted back in sync, before laughing at their synchronization.

"Oh boy, it must be fate!" Bobby screeched in his best impersonation of Mother Grandma from Kelly.

"Shut the Hell up! Mr. Nibbles is TRYING to have a relaxing time!" Jubilee shot a little firework towards Rahne and Roberto, separating them.

"Yeah, be quiet." Amara agreed, crossing her arms.

"Because 'I like silence sometimes, it lets me chill out and I feel like I finally have time to reflect on what's really important in my life.'" Roberto quoted the contents of Amara's diary in a melodramatic voice.

"I'm just going to ignore that." Amara breathed in and out slowly to prevent lashing out. "But I swear, next time I will kill you, Sunshine."

"Oooooh! I'm so scared!"

"You will be." Amara replied in such a scary voice that it would've freaked Sabretooth out if he had been watching Cinderella with a bunch of adolescent teenagers and a fuzzy blue elf.

"SSHHHHH!" Kurt and Jamie both sent disapproving looks to the other people in the room.

"Ve're getting up to the good part!" Kurt complained loudly while munching extra-salty popcorn handfuls at a time.

"Where'd he get the popcorn?" Bobby whispered to Sam.

"He can teleport, Bobby. How dumb can you get?" Sam teased.

"Be quiet." Bobby said, sticking his tongue out at Sam.

"All of you be quiet! Mr. Nibbles just fell asleep!" Jubilee scowled.

"Jubes, it's a basketball, it can't fall asleep." Amara said, touching Jubilee's shoulder lightly.

"If it has a smiley face and a diaper, it sure as Hell can sleep."

"Fireworks, I apologize on Amara's behalf. Have you read her diary? She's written a whole page on how much she hates that round ball of fun. I guess she's just jealous." Roberto sent a taunting wink in Amara's direction.

"I WARNED YOU, SUNNY!" Amara cried out loudly as she got ready to pounce onto Roberto.

"FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!"  
The New Recruits (minus Rahne, who was worrying for Roberto's welfare)chanted as Amara tackled Roberto to the ground and started slapping his face and kicking his groin as hard and painfully as possible.

"Amara, cut it out... OUCH! I need those! OWWWWW!" Roberto screamed in pain. Kurt and Jaime had also come over from watching Cinderella to witness the fight.

"Hahaha, they're fighting!" Jamie giggled childishly.

"Ja, they are. I vink it may be best if you go outside." Kurt nudged Jamie towards the door.

"But Kurt, I'm a big kid! Really, I am!" Jaime protested.

"Ha, I'm sure you are, little one. Now, go outside and play with your G.I Joe binoculars. Go vatch some birds or something." Kurt smiled as the other New Recruits continued to gather around Roberto and Amara.

"Amara, ouch, please get off! I'm pretty sure you've already OUCH taken away my ability to have children!" Roberto pleaded as Amara continued attacking him.

"I wouldn't stop for the world!" Amara snarled, whacking Roberto over the head with a chair.

Suddenly, a long, tedious chime rang throughout the room, making everyone pause in surprise. Roberto took this opportunity as a chance to get away from the madwoman that had taken control of Amara. He snuck underneath a desk and started rocking back and forth.

"Hey, kiddies! Guess vhat! Da bell has rang! Class ist over!" Kurt rejoiced. "Now I'm off to get some burgers!" He said, jumping out of the window and teleporting away, leaving nothing but the lingering scent of brimstone.

"... do you freaks know what this means?" Bobby asked his fellow classmates when Kurt had left. They just gave him vacant looks and waited for him to continue talking. "You idiots know nothing. We didn't drive Blue mad, he didn't get angry, man, he didn't even raise his voice."

"So?" Jubilee asked as she hugged Mr. Nibbles.

"We didn't do what we were supposed to do. WE DIDN'T DRIVE HIM OFF!" Bobby screamed and started weeping. "You guys are all fail-whales!"

"There, there Bobby..." Amara patted him lightly on the back to comfort him with an awkward look on her face.

"AMARA'S FEELING BOBBY!" Ray laughed loudly.

"Not now, Ray!" Amara said. "C'mon, Bobster. Let's go eat some ice or whatever you do in your spare time." Amara left the room with a sobbing Iceman clinging onto her desperately. Gradually, the other New Recruits began to leave.

"...Guys? Shouldn't we do something with Roberto?" Jaime asked, pointing at his older classmate who was still sitting under the desk in pain.

"Nah, he'll live." Sam replied, walking out casually and beginning to whistle a song.

Jamie brightened up. "Okay, if you're sure!"

*****  
AN: Good? Bad? Funny? Not funny? Let me know by simply clicking to "review" button down below. Come on, I get feedback and your fingers get a workout. It's a win-win situation!**


	7. Boys vs Girls

**It's the fifth day of torture. I think. My mind has gone on a warpath and I don't know anything anymore. Anyway, enjoy!  
*****

"There better be a damn good reason why you've dragged me outta ma beauty sleep." Rogue growled when she entered the Professor's office. She had just got up out of bed, so she was still in her pyjama pants and a black singlet. Her hair was a mess, her face had not been covered in make-up yet, but her mouth had a murderous-looking scowl plastered on.

"Rogue, please be reasonable. You know that we must educate the New Recruits and make sure that their future as an X-Man will be a successful, long-lived one." Professor Xavier said in the calm voice he was so well-known for.

"Yeah, we all know that those little freaks need all the help they can get, but Ah don't see why Ah have ta be a part of it." Rogue frowned and rubbed her eyes which were still trying to go back to sleep.

"You're an intelligent girl, and I think you have the ability to cope with them and perhaps teach them something valuable."

"Like how to tick off Wolverine and nearly get themselves killed by Queen Jean?"

"I'm afraid that's already happened."

"Oh… Those kids are smarter than Ah thought." Rogue shrugged. "But Ah still refuse to teach those midgets." Rogue said stubbornly. "Now, if you'll excuse we, Ah have an appointment with sleep right now."

"Rogue, Rogue! Wait!" The Professor urged her to stay for just a little while longer. "You know how you wanted to kill various Disney pop stars in their sleep?"

"…yes…"

"Well, I guess I could perhaps… pull a few strings and make copies of a few house keys."

"Fine! Ah'm in!" Rogue smiled a malicious grin and strolled out the door to prepare for the day.

"Alright, losers! Listen up!" Rogue commanded when the New Recruits entered the classroom. Rogue was sitting on the table at the front of the room wearing her usual attire. "Ah don't wanna be here any more then you do, so if you just- wait a minute. Aren't you a bit old for these classes, Porcupine?" Rogue gave Evan a puzzled look.

"Nah, man! I'm here to help you teach!" Evan replied optimistically as he walked through the door.

"Oh God, someone kill me now." Rogue whispered to herself.

"Whoa! Check it out, Rogue! All the dudes are on one side, and all the dudettes are on the other side!" Evan pointed out loudly.

"The girls wanted to get away from all the idiotic boys that happen to live in this house. Ah don't blame them."

"Hey, why aren't you guys sitting with the girls?" Evan asked the boys.

"They have cooties." Ray cried.

"They won't shut up about their weight." Bobby admitted.

"Rahne won't shut up about Roberto." Sam teased.

"Bobby said that they're all Satan's eternal slaves." Jamie added.

"… Amara hit me!" Roberto pouted.

"Why are we wasting my time and their time talkin' about why they don't wanna sit next to the opposite sex?" Rogue asked in a frustrated tone.

"Rogue said a naughty word!" Jamie shouted loudly.

"I've taught him well." Bobby smiled.

"You guys aren't 8 years old, grow up." Rogue said.

"Whoa, I totally agree with you guys! Girls are evil!" Evan said, still fixed on the things the boys had said about the females.

"Us, evil? Well sorry if we actually want to look good and take time getting ready in the morning, unlike those guys over there who don't even care about their bodies!" Jubilee stood up from her chair.

"That's not true; it takes Roberto over half an hour to get showered!" Sam protested.

"And at least we have the decency to wear underpants, unlike certain members of the male species." Rahne crossed her arms and stared at Bobby."

"Hey, have you ever had icy undies? It's quite unpleasant, and probably the only bad part of being a legendary Iceman!" Bobby defended himself.

"Girls know way too much!" Ray complained.

"Boys know way too little." Amara snapped back.

"Girls stink!" Jamie shouted.

"And I'm a guy, so I'm like, cool and don't stink, right?" Evan asked the boys.

"Wrong." Bobby blared out in what sounded more like a honking horn then a voice.

"Girls, can we please trade Rogue for Evan?" Sam asked politely.

"If you want her so bad, why don't you just come over to this side and be on our team?" Amara replied.

"Ah'm not on any teams, alright? Ah am so not gettin' into this stupid battle of the sexes. What even caused this?" Rogue's palm was now pressed on her head in an attempt to rid herself of the headache that was now beginning to form. Killing those fail-whale popstars better be worth it.

"But Rogue! You've got to be on our team, we need you!" Jubilee whined. "And it's all the boy's fault! They took Nigel Lamington away from me!"

"Nigel Lamington? What a dumb-ass name!" Evan laughed.

"You're a freaking dumb-ass!" Jubilee screamed, chucking a book at Evan.

"Okay, guys. Knock it off! Jubes, who is Nigel Lamington?" Rogue forced her voice to come out as calm as possible.

"My baby! My baby that BOBBY FREAKING DOG-NAPPED!" Jubilee's hands started to radiate with fireworks.

"Kidnapped, Jubey, kidnapped." Amara corrected.

"YOU HAD A BABY?" Evan screamed loudly. "WHO'S THE FATHER?"

"Bobby… give Jubilee… her baby back…" Rogue said through clenched teeth.

"But he loves me!" Bobby wailed.

"NO HE DOESN'T! HE LOVES ME!" Jubilee stomped her foot loudly on the floor.

"Bobby's just jealous that Nigel's getting more attention then him." Ray teased, earning himself a high-five from Sam and Roberto.

"But Bobby said that he wanted to take Mr. Nibbles away because he thinks Jubilee's cute when she's angry." Jamie said.

"Ha-ha, isn't this kid a laugh? He's such a jokester!" Bobby forced a laugh as he placed his hand over Jamie's mouth to avoid the youngest one spilling anything else.

"As if, Bobby doesn't think Jubes is cute, he'd prefer smooching roadkill or making out with his COD game." Rahne said.

"And get with the times, Jamie. His name's Nigel Lamington, not Mr. Nibbles, gosh!" Amara flipped her hair and shook her head disapprovingly.

"Yeah, and um, it's so not true. I'm just going to give Nigel back now." Bobby blushed and threw the Basketball Baby in Jubilee's direction.

"DON'T THROW HIM ACROSS THE ROOM YOU IDIOT! Awww Nigel-Widgel Woo, mummy loves you, yes she does, yes she does!" Jubilee hugged her 'child' affectionately. "Boys are evil, naughty, smelly things. Don't go anywhere near them." Jubilee whispered in Nigel's 'ear'.

"Bobby, where'd ya hide that baby and why have Ah not noticed it all day?" Rogue asked, trying to keep her sanity.

"Up his shirt!" Jamie piped up.

"Oh, Ah just thought he was gaining weight." Rogue shrugged and whipped out her iPhone to play Pimple Popper.

"Wait a minute, that's my ball! It cost me 50 dollars, man!" Evan exclaimed. "Give it back!"

"All in favour of Jubilee keeping her baby say 'Aye'." Sam said.

"Aye." Every New Recruit chorused.

"The court has spoken." Sam smiled.

"…Fine, be like that." Evan grumbled.

"Hey, Hammy Sammy, you're not too bad." Amara smiled. "Come here and sit with us."

Sam hesitated and looked left and right at his fellow male classmates. Realizing he was not missing out on much, he moved.

"Hey, maybe I should move too!" Jamie said loudly and brightly.

"No, my mini-me. You shall stay." Bobby said in an incredibly creepy voice.

"Hi Rogue." Sam grinned at Rogue from his new seat.

"Um, hi Sam…" Rogue returned an uneasy smile at the blonde boy.

"I really like your hair today, Rogue." Sam continued smiling.

"Thank you, Sam. Ah really like your… um…"

"It looks like Jean's hair, except shorter. The resemblance is remarkable." Sam continued.

"Sam, thanks for - wait, WHAT?" Rogue's eyes looked like they would bulge out of her head. "HOW DARE YOU COMPARE ME TO THAT DUMB LITTLE… EVIL COW? YOUR MIND MUST BE VERY MESSED UP IF YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT AH LOOK ANYTHING LIKE HER!" Rogue yelled, giving Sam a deathstare. Even Evan had stopped sulking to look at her.

"Here we go again…" Ray snickered.

"AH AM ANNA MARIE, A STRONG, INDEPENDENT GIRL WHO IS SUPIRIOR TO THAT SKANKY LITTLE WORM. SHE WILL NEVER BE LIKE ME, AH PRAY TO GOD THAT AH WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING LIKE HER, AND HER HAIR LOOKS MORE LIKE DYED CAT TAILS THAN HAIR!" Rogue screamed, her frustration showing on her face, even under all the make-up. "AH HATE YOU ALL! YOU GUYS ALL HAVE NO FRIENDS! NO FRIENDS, NO FRIENDS, NO FRIENDS!" Rogue stormed out of the classroom. Professor X was conveniently wheeling by at this moment.

"Ah, Rogue. How are you coping with the New Recruits?" The Professor asked.

"Give me a knife and point me to the direction of Hollywood before Ah kill someone in this mansion. Namely Sam."

"Now, Rogue—Oh, Evan. I see that neither of you managed to complete your task. All you needed to do was spend an hour with the New Recruits. Seriously, an hour! God! You fail-whales are going to have extra danger room sessions starting right now until I feel like forgiving you."

"But they took my ball! And drew on it! Jubilee even named it! She kissed and slobbered on my $50 basketball, man!" Even complained.

"Then buy a new one, you sissy! Gosh, I hate your guts so much! Now, go find Logan and hit him over the head with a stick before I hurt someone." The Professor yelled. Rogue and Evan ran off without another word, shocked that Professor X was acting that way. Once they had left, the Professor slowly evolved. His skin and clothing changed into a blue woman. She cackled and ran off.

"… dudes, did you just see that? Mystique's the Professor!" Roberto remarked.

"Be quiet! She hates the X-Men more than she hates us! We can so use this to our advantage!" Bobby said.

"Boys, lets call off this stupid girls are better with boys business." Amara said. "Even though girls are so much cooler."

"Fine, but only if you give Sam back." Ray agreed.

"Fine." The girls and Sam echoed together.

**I'm not sure of the funniness of this chapter, and I apologize if it's not my best piece of work, but it is extremely difficult when you have a lot on your mind. Anyway, please review! Any suggestions or constructive criticism is always welcome, and if you could tell me what makes you laugh, I could use that to improve this fanfic. I love you all!**


	8. RIP Lancitty

**I apologize for the delay, my dear readers! Please forgive my selfish, tardy ways!**

"Lady-slaves, get up!" Bobby yelled as he crashed through the door of Rahne and Jubilee's room, where Amara was also conveniently sleeping over in. "Up, up, up!" He continued, hitting a large golden gong.

"Go away, Scott, I don't want to hear about your problems…" Amara said, still mostly asleep.

"Oh Amara, you wound me with your automatic assumptions. There is no Scott here, only awesome Iceman. Listen up, girlies, I need you."

"That's a first." Rahne yawned.

"Quiet, you. I never gave you permission to speak." Bobby said. "Anyway, today, you lovely chickadees, you will be starring in our little plan!"

"Go away Bobby." Jubilee groaned. "I was having a great dream about eating hamburgers and becoming a ninja before you came in and interrupted my peaceful slumber."

"Aw, don't be mad, Jubey-poo." Bobby said in an icky, sugar-sweet voice.

"Go away before I use your body as a science experiment."

"You know what, Jubes? I think you like me." Bobby grinned.

"I beg to differ." Jubilee swivelled her body around so that she was facing the wall.

"You'll come to me soon enough. Wake up, darling children, listen to Bobby, your extremely attractive master." Bobby began singing to the girls, who were slowly beginning .

"Just hurry up and tell us what you want us to do." Amara requested sleepily.

"Well, I've talked to the Professor, and she… I mean, he said that we'd get a truckload of candy if we find a way to stop a certain bad guy from being distracted by a certain X-Girl. Really, it's not too hard; all you need to do is pretend you have a serious, crazy-in-love relationship with one of these fine men." Bobby explained, handing a piece of paper to each of the three girls in the room. "Look, I've even made a little biography for each of them. Aren't I considerate?"

"What? I can't be in love with him!" Amara protested.

"Ew! That's just wrong!" Rahne stuck her tongue out.

"There is absolutely no way…" Jubilee started.

"Jeez, it's just for an hour. Chillax, Drama Queens. Anyway, bye ladies! I have to go get some beauty sleep." Bobby winked and left.

"He needs it." Rahne said, making all three girls giggle madly.

***

"Well, like, hi guys!" Kitty said gleefully, entering the room with a smile on her face. "We're like, going to learn something really useful today!"

"Like what?" Ray asked in a sarcastic tone, rolling his eyes.

"How to annoy Rogue? Oh wait, we already did that…" Roberto yawned.

"How to get a perfect Valleygirl voice?" Bobby said in an annoying feminine accent.

"How to find the most unfashionable clothes in the history of the earth?" Amara smirked.

"Or how to turn a Caesar Salad into an Atomic Bomb?" Jamie piped up.

"What have you been telling that kid?" Roberto hissed at Bobby quietly.

"Um, like, no, no, no and no." Kitty replied. "Today I will like, be teaching you how to like, hack into a computer!"

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but Sam already told us how." Ray rolled his eyes once more.

"Like, what?" Kitty asked, astounded.

"How do you think that Trojan Virus got onto Scott's laptop?" Rahne smiled.

"Then we hacked into his Facebook account and changed his status to 'Stargazing and cuddling with Rogue' and killed all his animals on Happy Pets!" Bobby remembered.

"We got him permanently banned from Club Penguin too." Jubilee grinned.

"Oh… okay. Like, what do I like, teach you now?" Kitty sighed.

"MISS PRYDE, MISS PRYDE!" Jubilee screeched.

"Like, what's wrong, Jubilee?" Kitty asked.

"Roberto and Rahne are passing notes!" Jubilee told Kitty.

"… what am I like, supposed to do about it?"

"Read it out aloud to the whole class, duh!" Jubilee replied like it was the most obvious thing on the planet Earth.

"Okay. Roberto, like, hand it over." Kitty commanded. Roberto handed it to Kitty with a sorrowful expression on his face.

"Like, okay. Here we like, go. 'Wanna go out 2morrow' 'sorry can't' 'y not?' 'I'm going out with… KURT?" Kitty nearly fainted in shock. Roberto made small sobbing noises and Rahne hid her face, as if she was in embarrassment.

"We're both furry, it works." Rahne admitted quietly.

"That's like… ridiculous. He would like, never… but I don't care! Really! I like, really don't care!" Kitty laughed a fake laugh.

"I can't believe she left me for a blue person." Roberto wiped a fake tear away from his left eye.

"Is that racist?" Ray asked.

"Yes." Sam nodded. "Thinking of Kurt in a different manner because his skin… or fur is a different colour is very racist. If you looked up 'Racist' in the dictionary, Roberto's face will appear. Then again, it appears under 'Airhead' and 'Narcissism' as well…"

"Shut UP Sam! At least my girl's not going out with one of Magneto's lackeys." Roberto continued sobbing slightly.

"Amara's not my girl." Sam blushed and looked away.

"Roberto! He's not a loackey! … and you said you wouldn't tell!" Amara said flabbergasted.

"Yeah, well, at least I didn't read it out of your diary this time." Roberto shrugged.

"I still haven't forgiven you for that… wait a minute, how did you know it was in my diary?" Amara questioned slowly.

"Um, ah… Bobby told me?"

"Oh, okay then. Bobby, you're lucky I owe you a favour." Amara looked at Bobby with an evil glint in her eyes. Bobby gulped nervously.

"Ok, ok like, wait a minute, guys. Who's Amara going out with?" Kitty interrupted.

"Colossus." Roberto grinned. Kitty's eyes widened with surprise. She shook her head is disbelieve, but managed to take a deep breath and calm herself down.

"That's like, good… for… Amara…" Kitty said, breathing deeply and trying not to burst out in tears.

"He's so handsome and loveable and I love him." Amara sighed, her hand resting on her forehead melodramatically. "If I didn't have him, I would surely die."

"But Bobby said that you hated Colossus and that you—mmmph mmm phmmm!" Jamie tried to say, before Bobby's hand slapped onto Jamie's mouth, muffling his voice.

"He doesn't know what he's saying." Bobby giggled nervously. "He's possessed!"

"That's like, okay. At least I like, still have-"

"And Jubilee's going out with that disgusting Brotherhood boy. Lance Alvers, what a geek!" Rahne said in a disgusted tone of voice.

"We're all very disgraced." Ray shook his head slowly in disapproval.

"… LANCE?" Kitty screeched, her body beginning to have random spasms. "But he like, said like, that he liked me…" Kitty began to weep.

"He called Jubilee last week… he said that you were just a terrible whiny young lady, and that Jubilee was his one and only true love!" Sam said theatrically. "And everyone knows that true love always wins in the end."

"It was the cutest thing I had ever heard in my life." Rahne admitted, sniffling back emotional tears.

"So I went over there, married him and let him look after Tombly-Boo for the weekend. It's love." Jubilee stated.

"But who's Tombly-Boo?" Jamie asked, puzzled.

"Her baby. Duh!" Amara replied.

"I just noticed that he wasn't here." Roberto tilted his head to one side.

"Jeez, Roberto. You don't notice anything." Bobby said.

Ray coughed. "Idiot." He said. Jamie giggled.

"But-but-but… WHY WOULD HE LIKE, DO THIS TO ME?" Kitty cried.

"He said something about ditching you because of the atomic bomb you managed to craft out of peanut butter and two slices of bread…" Bobby stroked his imaginary beard, deep in thought.

"And he may have mentioned something about you giving the Blob gastro… you know the time you cooked dinner there? It seems Blob will eat anything…" Roberto bit his lip to prevent from cracking up with laughter.

"My cooking's not that like, bad!" Kitty defended herself.

"Are you kidding? It turned Kurt's stomach into a ticking time bomb!" Rahne yelled angrily. "My poor, poor fuzzy blue dude… I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!"

"Lance also said that he hated your guts, and that you were a goody-two-shoes." Jamie added.

"I have taught him well." Bobby murmured quietly so that Kitty did not hear him.

"HE DID? Well, he's like, going to be in big trouble!" kitty took her pink, sparkly cell phone out of her pocket and dialled a number.

"_Hey Kitty… why are you calling so early?" _ A sleepy voice asked from the other side of the phone call.

"Does it even like, matter? We're like, through! And for the like, record, I HATE _YOUR _GUTS!" Kitty screamed into the small, pink device.

"_Wait, what? Kitty, what's wrong? Please don't hang up, please!" _ Lance pleaded from the other end. Kitty ignored his request and pressed the red button on her phone.

"Hmph, boys. There're so STUPID!" Kitty yelled. "I HATE THEM!" She ran out of the room in an emotion mixed between sadness and anger.

"… Mission accomplished." Rahne high-fived Jubilee and Amara.

"Let's go find the Professor and get fat on candy!" Bobby said, excited at the very thought of stuffing his face.

"Sorry, Bobby. I can't, I'm on a diet." Roberto said sadly.

"Wait, guys! How do we know we can trust Mystique? What is she even doing here?" Sam questioned.

"Who cares? I LIKE CANDY! GIVE ME CANDY!" Bobby began to sing.

"My mum always told me not to take candy from strangers… or S.H.I.E.L.D agents…" Jamie said.

"Whatever, but I'm going to get to the bottom of this…" Sam sighed.

***

**Well, thankyou for reading. Now, I shall respond to my lovely reviewers. Why? Because I can.**

RoseJustice: Wanda? … That sounds like fun! Very likely that she'll make an appearance in the next couple of chapters.  
Raven34link: I'm glad you thought the Professor was funny. And I have a feeling that Rogue isn't a Justin Bieber fan…  
Rogueslove22: … I have no idea what Mystique has to do with teaching the New Recruits. It came to me at like, 1 o'clock in the morning when I could barely open my eyes. I hope the idea will knit itself into the story!  
Sonar: Good idea, I'll definitely take it into consideration, perhaps in the last couple of chapters.  
James95: Your review really made me smile. Thankyou for the Kitty ideas and the Amanda suggestion. Thanks also for the Story Alert and Favourite Story.  
Voidprincess: It's great that you love Jamie being Bobby's minion, I wasn't so sure of the idea at first, but it kind of grew on me. It's glad you like my updating, and no, you don't look bad, but you'll look even better if you update soon :)  
Daughter of the sea: Thanks for the Story Alert!

Talking about reviews, please give your opinion on this chapter by clicking that little button that says 'Review'. It is really important to review and tell me whether it was crap or not, or how I could improve this fanfic. Thankyou :) 


	9. Why Shakespeare and Bonfires Don't Mix

**Yes, it is very, very, very late. I need to stop being so tardy. Anyway, review replies!:  
Cloudy-TheNightMareQueen: Thankyou! I'm glad you thought it was the 'Funniest'. The Professor will be appearing in this fic eventually. I hope this chapter is to your liking. And, I like your new name!  
James95: Geez... that's harsh! Poor Courtney! Thanks for the idea for the yo momma jokes (They shall definitely appear soon!) and the burning book idea!  
Raven34link: Hmmm... Gambit...  
voidprincess: Thank you for your kind words! I'm flattered!  
Shadowy Flip Flops of DOOM: Wow, you scared me for a second! Anyway, thanks!  
Maximoffs forever: Wanda will appear in the mystical next chapter! And I would love to put Jean Grey in a catfight with anyone! And, and, and please update your story soon :)  
Rogueslove22: 'Pure evil genius'... that made me grin like crazy.  
Sonar: Yes, you are right, they shall appear :)  
X Rogue X: I think you'll be happy to find that he is the victim in this chapter!  
RoseJustice: Wanda/Kurt team-up shall happen very soon! Hooray!  
THANKYOU TO ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE FOR REVIEWING!**

"I'm sorry, Sam, but I don't want my wild awesomeness to be caged in by your sweet innocence, I would not be me if I had to act calm to be with you." Amara told the blonde boy, who was sitting at the desk next to her.

"But-but-but… Amara, I love you!" Sam sniffed back a tear.

"Teenage crushes… don't you just love them, Bert-Bert?" Bobby sighed as he watched Sam and Amara.

"Shut up, I'm listening to them talk." Roberto hushed Bobby.

"Oh, the drama!" Jamie said loudly, an almost perfect impersonation of Bobby.

"Jamie, I know I'm cool and all, but you need to understand that you could never be as cool as me, no matter how good your imitation of me is."

"That's because you're a loser!" Jamie stuck his tongue out at the icy person.

"Don't you dare rebel against me, young man!" Bobby warned.

"…Yes sir."

"I've got a responsibility to be Jubilee's baby's Godmother, my father would never allow it and you're just too sweet and nice for a girl like me." Amara tried telling Sam as nicely as possible.

"Oh, Roberto, I just can't watch!" Rahne whimpered, hiding her eyes by hitting her face onto his arm.

"Ouch!" Roberto exclaimed when Rahne's forehead collided with his bicep.

"Rahne's sniffing Roberto's sweater!" Jamie laughed.

"That's my Jamie." Bobby smiled.

"But-but-but Amara, I can change! I'll be more bad-ass than Wolverine!" Sam pleaded.

But Sam's pleads were interrupted when a huge, blue, furry giant who entered the small classroom.  
"O' what may man within him hide through angel on the outward side?"

"Dear God, kill me now." Bobby banged his head hard against his desk.

"Now, now, Bobby, this is not a good time to pray, we are here to learn about English literature." Beast said, handing each student a book, each of them equally scruffy and old-looking. "Now these books are my favourite books, and they are mine so I expect you to take good care of them."

"Whoops." Bobby said, spitting out the half-chewed piece of paper from his mouth.

"That is quite all right, Bobby. I have multiple copies of that book. However, I hope that you won't do… Oh, hello Jubilee." Beast smiled warmly as the young girl entered the classroom. Her long black hair was slightly frizzled, but aside from that, she looked normal. She had her basketball baby tucked under her arm and a fluffy yellow pen in her hand.

"Excuse my tardiness, there was a matter that I needed to attend to." Jubilee apologized.

"That's quite alright, Miss. Lee, we have only just started the lesson." Beast said, handing Jubilee a book.

"Thankyou." Jubilee smiled and sat down next to Rahne.

"Why were you late?" Rahne whispered to her friend.

"You'll see…" Jubilee grinned. It was only a few moments later when a bruised and bloodied Ray walked into the class, and promptly fell forward onto his face.

"Why is it always Ray that we manage to knock unconscious?" Roberto asked.

"Because his face looks like a butt and that naturally repels nice thoughts." Bobby explained.

"Duh!" Jamie added.

"Mr. Crisp? Are you alright?" Beast asked.

"Momma, don't cut the tree down…" Ray said, his brain only half-working.

"Jubilee, what did you do to Ray?" Beast questioned after he examined Ray for major injuries.

"HE TRIED TO KILL MY BABY!"

"I see…" Beast put on his thinking face. "Ray, why did you try to kill Jubilee's child?"

"… Waka, waka," Ray sang, his head spinning "When life give's you lemons, make a giraffe…"

"He took a knife to Ting-Ting's head and tried to stab him!" Jubilee cried. "So I had every right to hit him repeatedly with a hammer." She concluded.

"I think she likes him." Roberto whispered to Bobby.

"Jubilee, I am afraid to inform you that your 'Baby' is nothing but a mere basketball wearing a diaper." Beast shook his head from side to side.

"You're just jealous because I have a child and you can't even get a date." Jubilee stuck her tongue out at the huge, blue person.

"I'm not prepared to argue with you, however I am prepared to teach you a few useful facts about the wondrous works of Shakespeare."

"Boring!" Amara called out.

"Shouldn't we bandage Ray up first or something?" Jamie asked.

"Don't worry 'bout me… I'm alright, mushroom door…" Ray said weakly, his head resting on Sam's desk.

"Um, Ray? Can you like… move your head onto your desk or something?" Sam asked, trying to shove his teammate off his table.

"But my momma said if I don't eat the chicken, I won't be a man…" Ray murmured, barely audible.

"I'm sure Ray will live without being bandaged up, I enjoy seeing him in pain." Bobby smiled evilly.

"Then my dad was like, if you wear your pants to school, you will get a date for prom." Ray patted Sam's head and collapsed on top of his friend.

"Bandage him up! Now!" Sam begged.

"All in due time, young Cannonball." Beast replied in that annoying voice he always seems to use.

"Ya put your fifth foot in, ya take your third head out..." Ray began to bang his head against Sam's table edge until he lost consciousness.

"Actually, class, this might be a good time to fix Ray up before the Professor decides to kill me. Where did I put that forklift..."

* * *

"Ray is now resting, and he is in a stable condition. Hopefully, he will—WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Beast's eyes widened in horror as he witnessed the distressing event that was taking place in the classroom.

"Bye, bye King Lear!" Rahne cackled, throwing a thick book into the glistening flames that had easily been constructed from a pile of desks and a little help from Amara.

"No... no... NO! NOT MACBETH! MY LIFE, MY LOVE!" Beast fell to the ground in disbelief and pain. "MY ONLY CHILDHOOD FRIEND!"

"And in with King Henry!" Sam smiled, placing yet another hardcover, ancient-looking book into the fire. The New Recruits held hands and danced around the bonfire, screaming and throat-singing.

"No, this cannot be!" Beast cried, his body having a mental-breakdown. The New Recruits just stared until they were certain that he was down for good. Rahne poked him just to make sure.

"He's down." She nodded.

"Bobby, work your magic!" Jubilee ordered.

"Please never say that again." Sam winced.

"Quiet, you dirty-minded fool!" Jubilee slapped Sam on the head as Bobby iced down their home-made fire that would've given Pyro a run for his money.

"Let's go get our candy." Roberto said after the bonfire was reduced to nothing but ash.

"I thought you were on a diet, fatty." Amara commented.

"It starts tomorrow. Geez."

* * *

"Well, well. You destroyed the brains of Charles's mansion. I'm impressed." Mystique warped from the Professor's image to her natural form.

"We did." Bobby nodded his head like an exited puppy dog waiting for a bone.

"My plan is underway. Soon, Magneto shall be able to access the mansion and use Cerebro for what it should be used for." Mystique planned.

"Wait, wait, wait." Amara interrupted. "Are you sure that you're not going to like, blow us up or something in the progress?"

"What? Of course not." Mystique reassured the young girl. "Now, you have worked your magic on the adults and you have put them all in a state of insanity. I'm proud."

"Please don't say 'Work your magic'..." Sam cringed.

"Be quiet, Cannonball." Mystique snapped. "Now, the next part of the plan involves taking DNA samples from each of my Brotherhood boys. I am sure that you will be capable of doing that."

"Why can't you do it?" Rahne asked.

"I can not be bothered." Mystique replied. "Now, shoo and eat your candy."

"Something's really not right about this..." Sam sighed.

**That's right! The Brotherhood is up next in an exciting 3-chapter adventure! Stay tuned, I shall update soon! If you review, that is. More reviews equal quicker updating :)**


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